Thought Record
I will only ever be able to do this for text messages. I can’t remember what someone says verbatim even while I’m still having the conversation. If I left immediately after something like this to fill out a thought record, I would already not remember word-for-word what was said.
Situation
When I asked my mom about my plans to move forward and whether it made sense regarding the approach to my daughter, she said, “I’d be more likely to let her know she’d always have me to depend upon…”
Feeling
confusion 8
Thought
My mom still doesn’t trust me to take responsibility, even at nearly 40 years old.
For
- assumes I would not want to take care of my daughter
- has made what seem like similar assumptions as I’ve been explaining my plans to her
Against
- it has been easier to talk to her about this major life change than with any other
- she asks me for advice about dealing with the pandemic and other serious matters that suggest she does trust me to be responsible
Alternative
I had not given her all the details and she made an assumption based on what she knew
Outcome
inadequacy 5
Communication techniques
I (feel) statement
- Beings with “I”
- Describe the way you feel
- Use feeling words
- People respond better since emotions are common ground
- Describe the behavior the other person is doing that makes you feel the way you feel
- Request for change
Example
- I felt hurt
- when my mom said she would let my know she would always be there for my daughter
- The assumption seems to be that I’m not already doing that.
- What do you think?
If the person is indignant
- I was just wanting to have a conversation
- Can you share what you’re thinking about this?
- Can you share how I might do something different?