Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
- “Should” or “shouldn’t” indicate intermediate beliefs
- Tasks Complete this form for therapy ☝️ ⏫ 📅 2022-06-04 ✅ 2022-06-02
- Emotion is one word. More than one is a thought. Rate 1-10.
- Col 3- What the emotion made me think. Draw line to accompanying emotion. All thoughts; determine if unhelpful later. Rephrase questions to statement.
Thought Record Sheet
I felt like this exercise was somewhat trying to railroad me into a particular pattern of
- start from thinking the worst
- reflect in ways you haven’t previously
- reach a new understanding based on that new reflection
- reduce the negative thoughts
I’ve already reflected quite a bit. I could probably have several levels of “for” and “against” in which I answer the points in the previous columns. This is a process I go through naturally in my head. I certainly don’t get everything, but this is something I try to do naturally.
In the situations I’m struggling with right now, even after a lot of reflection and trying to look at the alternatives, I still feel like the negative thoughts I had from the start were mostly validated. Sometimes the emotion has been improved, but it doesn’t seem to have been because I discovered an argument against my thought that I hadn’t considered.
Situation
After explaining my problems with communication to my wife, she does not attempt to fix them.
Feeling
inadequacy 8
Thought
Am I not good enough to make her want to preserve the relationship?
For
- puts forth little effort
- responds the same way each time I bring it up
- repeats same communication mistakes
Against
- had a session with a therapist
- cooks for the family
- does other chores for the family
- has helped me through many hard times
Alternative
She cares about the relationship, but has some deep seeded issues that need solving OR She cares about the relationship, but not enough to be self-critical in a way that could pursue a resolution
Outcome
inadequacy 3
(change is not because of the evidence presented here but just a “cooling off” and an understanding that the lack of motivation around fixing the relationship is probably less about me and more about she and I together)
Feeling
self-doubt 5
Thought
Maybe these communication problems are my fault because I am too critical
For
- a big part of our communication is me saying what is wrong
Against
- I feel like this wouldn’t be the case if criticism could be handled more gracefully
- Conversations devolve into meta-conversations about how hard communication has become
- I am generally good at communicating with other people, even when there are disagreements
Alternative
I hold people I love to a high bar, but I am reasonable.
Outcome
self-doubt 3
Didn’t change much because, even though I don’t think this is the problem, I would like to hear what someone thinks about my way of dealing with conflict. My wife is not critical of me, I think because she believes it might encourage the idea that communication could go in both a negative or a positive direction and ultimately open her up to more criticism.
Feeling
anger 8
Thought
How can she throw away the investment of time and energy we’ve put into overcoming what we have over the last 14 years?
For
- she seems to have little motivation to save the relationship
- she shuts down after a sexual problem and lets it fester for weeks without addressing it
Against
- we have overcome a lot of adversity (her MS and my divorce and subsequent legal battles) in the years leading up to this
Alternative
I’m not as angry as I was at first, but I still feel like this thought is accurate.
Outcome
anger 2
Situation
When I try to discuss a sexual problem, my wife shuts it down.
Feeling
inadequacy 8
Thought
My wife does not care about having a healthy sexual relationship with me.
For
- puts forth little effort
- doesn’t seem receptive to couple’s counseling, even after I suggested it
- says nothing after weeks with no intimacy in the aftermath
- has told me she doesn’t care about sex and feels obligated to “perform”
Against
- we have been intimate throughout most of the relationship
- for stretches, she seems to have enjoyed sex with me
- she has done couple’s counseling in the past
- when we do have sex, she often initiates
Alternative
This is a sexual issue that doesn’t have much to do with me.
Outcome
inadequacy 3